Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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