Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
