Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize