They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
