He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
