WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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