I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
