just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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