i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
