i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
