**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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