im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
