Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
