1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
