My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
