I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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