dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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