Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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