He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
they're like a gay fantastic four
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
