if i died would you start the facebook group?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
