I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My breasts were aching with rage.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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