He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
