I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
