btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
