i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
