Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
