im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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