My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
