Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
