I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
