And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
