direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
