Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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