Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
