i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
