Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
