And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
