he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
