I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize