Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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