She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
