my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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