Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
