Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
