well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
