Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
someone owes me an orgasm
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
