She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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