when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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