Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
