so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
