She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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