its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
