Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
