She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
