I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
