I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
