chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
