Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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