We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
