i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
