I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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