I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
