i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You are a booty call, not a friend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize