So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
