She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
