opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My vagina just clenched in fear
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
