is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drunk is a universal language darling
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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