The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize