I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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