She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
