He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize