How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
