Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
