end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's Friday. Sex?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
