I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize