I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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