The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
