Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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