I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm really busy with my period
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