K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
