you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Houston, we have a blender
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
