Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize