I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
