Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
