We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
